


midnight memories

by indiesbian



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Exes, Getting Back Together (Kinda), Jared and Connor are both really sad, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Possibly Unrequited Love, Post-Break Up, Underage Drinking, this summer has been extremely weird and felt off so here's a fic kinda venting how I feel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-19 22:21:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20217223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indiesbian/pseuds/indiesbian
Summary: Connor sits on the rooftop, carefully balanced on the shingles, staring off towards the town. It was about 3 am, dead except for quiet sounds from inside the house and street lights illuminating the suburb.He toys with an idea in his mind for a minute, thoughtlessly playing with his hoodie strings. His phone rests beside him, and after another 20 seconds of thought, he picks it up and calls the one person he can think of being up right now.





	midnight memories

**Author's Note:**

> hi! im overdue for a new fic, so enjoy this post breakup kleinphy fic i wrote (based a little on some of my experiences). 
> 
> this summer has felt unexplainably weird and i feel like connor and jared would notice something like that. these boys are forever seniors in high school i guess!

Connor sits on the rooftop, carefully balanced on the shingles, staring off towards the town. It was about 3 am, dead except for quiet sounds from inside the house and street lights illuminating the suburb. 

He toys with an idea in his mind for a minute, thoughtlessly playing with his hoodie strings. His phone rests beside him, and after another 20 seconds of thought, he picks it up and calls the one person he can think of being up right now.

"Hey," he answers when the other person picks up. "I know it's late, but I feel really weird and I could use you up here sitting with me now." He pauses for a second to let the other boy respond. "Bring that 6-pack of beer in your fridge. The one your brother brought home that night."

Connor smiles to himself. "Thanks, Jared, I'll be up on the roof."

He hangs up the phone and sets it back down on the roof. Jared usually takes no longer than 10 minutes to get to his house, but Connor feels he can't come sooner. Tonight was another night where odd feelings surrounded him. He wasn't necessarily sad, angry, or manic. It was more of a numbing loneliness he could barely describe. Pulling his knees up to his chest, he sighs, propping his chin on his kneecaps. 

Jared arrives not long after to see Connor sitting on the roof. Connor texts him, telling him he'll let him in through the back. 'Be quiet.' He adds after climbing back through his window. He carefully sneaks through the house, heading downstairs to slowly open the back door. "Thanks for coming over," he whispers, closing and locking the door behind him.

Jared's carrying the 6-pack, which Connor glances to. He smiles again. Once they're in Connor's room, where the door is shut and window is propped open, Jared looks towards it. "We're still going to sit on the roof?" He asks.

"If you want," the taller boy says. "We can just sit here, though. I know how you are with heights sometimes."

Jared scoffs. "I'm more worried about the stability. I'm over heights now, I think."

"Hm, okay. You'll be fine." Connor begins to crawl out of the window, back to his place. Jared follows close behind, and he can see the outline of the small boy slightly shaking. "You're okay, Kleinman. I won't let you fall."

Jared eventually took his place next to Connor, setting the beer down beside them. "Got the bottle opener?" Connor asks, to which Jared pulls his keys out and cracks open two bottles. 

For a while, things are silent between the boys as they drink. Jared doesn't ask for more details on why Connor called, and Connor doesn't explain anything to him. They drink for about ten minutes before Jared speaks up.

"Dumb question, but are you okay?"

"You're right, that is a dumb question," he answers, swishing his drink around before taking another swig. 

"I'm serious. You told me you feel weird, but I wanna know if something's going on."

Connor sighs, setting the bottle down next to him. "Not necessarily. I really don't know how to explain it, man. Yeah, I feel like shit right now and that's why I called you over."

"Well, what do you feel?" Jared glances towards Connor's silhouette, who looks away from him to nothing in particular.

"I guess, I'm realizing how weird this year has been. I mean, it's weird to think that, like, seven months ago we were sitting up here, holding hands and making out without giving a shit. But now things are different, and things have changed so quickly. I'm just wondering what happened to time."

Jared tears his eyes away from Connor, choosing to look at the shingles instead. "I-I guess I don't know either. You're not wrong in thinking how weird this is. When we broke up, I never thought we'd be back in the place. I resented you for so long, Murphy. I hated you for what you did to me. But I can't believe in only a few months, we managed to get back to this spot. This year has felt off since January first."

"The thing is, I don't get _ why _ everything feels so weird," Connor rubs his eyes and Jared wonders if he's been crying, or trying to hold back tears. He can never tell the difference.

"I don't get it either. Maybe it's because we're so depressed and this is our last year in high school."

"Maybe so."

The air is silent again, and the boys finish off their first beer and open another. There's a low hanging tension that they can sense, but neither want to address.

"Is there anything else you're thinking about?" Jared asks with a low tone to his voice. 

"I mean, yeah. I'd rather not talk about it, I guess."

Another question sits uncomfortably on Jared's tongue. Asking it could ruin everything and cause an awkward conversation, but closure is what he craves. Closure and something else he can't say.

Jared blinks back tears just thinking about the question. He wants to ask it more than anything, but he also risks getting kicked out of Connor's house, depending on how he takes it. 

"What are you thinking about?" 

"I-I don't know how to explain it."

Connor laughs. "Funny how I was just in the same place. Say it, man. Just whatever's on your head."

"Promise nothing bad will happen if I do."

"Jared." The way Connor says his name makes him shiver. "Out with it. You'll be fine."

"Do you ever miss the way things used to be? Not just in general but in terms of us. With all this talk of things being weird, I just started thinking about us and what happened."

Connor doesn't speak for a minute, causing Jared's heart to race. "I do," he says quietly. "I really can't lie and say I don't miss what we had. I miss it a lot."

For a second, Jared gets his hopes up. But Connor unintentionally destroys it. "If this is about wanting to try things again, I really don't know. It's rough, saying no to you and hurting you by rejecting you. I guess I don't know what to say. I miss things, but it's never going to be the same, Jared. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, dude." Jared shrugs, finishing off his second drink. "I was kinda expecting that answer. I don't want to force you into a relationship if it's something you don't want. I want what's best for you, too."

"I know." Connor takes a pause to sigh once more, setting his now empty bottle next to him. "If we're being honest, sometimes I think breaking up with you was a mistake. I get into these moods where I think because we're over, I'm never going to find love again. But I don't know what to do, Jare."

"Me neither."

"And, you know, I know how bad your feelings are and that shit, but sometimes it does feel like you're pressuring me into getting back together. And I don't know if I want that. I know you don't do it intentionally or anything, but it gets exhausting sometimes."

Silence breaks out again and Jared suppresses a sniffle. Admittedly, that wasn't what he wanted to hear. He looks out towards the town and sighs.

"Is everything ruined now?"

Connor cracks a smile and doesn't answer for a second. "I don't know, does it feel ruined?"

Unfortunately, Jared doesn't smile or laugh back. "To be honest, yeah. I feel like I fucked something up by asking."

"You didn't."

"Proof?"

Connor playfully shoves Jared by the shoulder. "This is proof enough. I appreciate you coming over, Jare."

"Well, getting wasted isn't fun when you're alone." 

"You're not even wasted yet."

Jared shrugs. "Two more beers left. Are we gonna finish them?"

"Probably."

Connor takes Jared's keys and cracks a beer for each of them, passing one to the other boy. They simultaneously take the first drink and things feel calmer now. 

"Are you tired?" Jared asks. 

"Not really."

"I kinda am."

Connor snorts. "You just opened that beer. Don't tell me you're ready to call it already."

"I didn't sleep last night."

"Well," the taller boy says. "I guess I'm tired too. If we're not gonna finish these beers, I'll pour 'em out in the sink. Hide the bottles under my bed." 

Jared's the first to crawl back into Connor's room, where he waits for Connor to give him the last of the bottles, shoving them under his bed.

"I'm gonna change." Connor unzips his hoodie and throws it to the floor, taking his jeans off as well. He finishes changing and turns back to Jared. "For once, please don't wear regular clothes to bed. I'll give you a shirt."

He ruffles through his drawer, finding an old oversized shirt and tossing it to Jared, who peels off his button down and undershirt. "This a pussy out kinda look, huh?" He says after taking his shorts off. 

"Don't say things like that," Connor says seriously, but the smile on his face says differently.

Connor crawls into bed, beaconing Jared to come lay down. He does, resting his head on the boy's chest. "You don't mind, do you?" He murmurs.

"Nah." 

Jared presses himself closer and shuts his eyes. Months of being touch starved had lead up to this moment, and now that it's here, he doesn't ever want it to end. For a moment, it feels like it did seven months ago and I was. For a moment, he doesn't want to sleep. He just wants to lean up and kiss him. 

But he doesn't. Instead, the synchronized breathing between the two lulls them to sleep.

  
  



End file.
